Won't Leave You Alone
by imjustwriting
Summary: "I can save you. That's good enough for me."


I know some of you are waiting for a new chapter for Love Lives On. I promise it is coming. It will be posted Wednesday at the latest, but this one-shot wouldn't leave my mind and I had to get it out. It's not realistic at all, and so cheesy, but I do hope you like it.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own or have any affiliation with Chicago PD, its characters, writers, cast or crew.

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Erin entered the diner and dropped the hood of her jacket from her head as she scanned over the place. There were only two other customers, so she found who she was searching for easily and made her way down an aisle to her right. She slid into the first booth by the window and placed her phone down on the table in front of her.

"Hi, Erin."

Erin crossed her arms and stayed silent.

The woman who sat across from her offered a small smile. "Are you hungry?"

Erin sighed. "What do you want, Bunny?"

"I just wanted to check up on you. How are you doing?"

Erin shrugged her shoulders. "I'm fine."

Bunny shook her head. "I don't think you are. You were knocking those drinks back pretty heavy that night you came in to the bar. I know you lost your friend, honey, and your upset, but don't turn to the bottle."

Erin scoffed. "What do you care if I drink myself to sleep every day? I can take care of myself. I've been doing it the last thirty years."

Bunny ran her tongue over her bottom lip while she considered her next words with careful hesitation. "I know you're still angry and I don't blame you, but doing this? Shutting out everyone who cares about you? It's not gonna bring her back, Erin. But you're still here. Let us help you."

"I just want everyone to leave me the hell alone. The only thing I need is nestled right in my pocket and I've got a few more bottles left at home. I'll be just fine."

Bunny's eyes widened and her lips parted. "Erin, what's in your pocket?"

Erin reached into the right pocket of her jacket. She withdrew her hand and then dangled a tiny zip-lock bag with a white powdery substance in front of her mother.

"Just a little something to take the edge off. You want some? We could do a line together. It could be like old times. Some good 'ole mother-daughter bonding."

Bunny reached forward to grab the cocaine from her daughter's hand, but Erin pulled her hand back. She put the baggie back inside her pocket and shook her head at Bunny. "I'll share mom, but you can't have it all for yourself."

"Where did you get that?"

"This is Chicago. You can get this stuff off any corner on the south side."

"Erin – "

"I gotta pee and then I'm outta here. Great talk as usual mom."

Erin slid out of the booth without another word and made her way towards the back of the diner.

Bunny's feet tapped against the tiled floor while she chewed on the nail of her thumb. She noticed her daughter's cell phone at the end of the tabletop and looked up in time to see Erin enter the bathroom.

Bunny reached out and grabbed the phone; she unlocked the unsecure phone and scrolled through her daughter's contacts. She quickly found someone she knew she could trust and made the call. She brought the phone to her ear and waited.

"Hi. It's Bunny, actually. Erin's in trouble and I need help. We're at the diner downtown by – yep, that's the place. Hurry. She just went to the bathroom. Please hurry."

Bunny quickly ended the call and relocked the phone before she returned it to its previous spot on the table. Erin returned to the table a few minutes later just as Bunny brought her cup of coffee to her lips to take a sip.

Erin nodded at her Bunny in greeting. "Forgot my phone."

She grabbed the device and stuffed it in her jacket.

Bunny reached out and placed a hand on Erin's arm. "Can't you stay just a few more minutes, please?"

Erin sighed and rolled her eyes.

Bunny put her coffee mug down and held her hands up in mock surrender. "I promise I won't say another word about that bag or the drinking. I just wanna talk to my daughter. Please?"

Another sigh left Erin's lips. "I want coffee then."

Bunny smiled and signaled to the waitress as Erin slid back into the booth. The waitress brought over another mug filled with steaming coffee and retreated back behind the counter.

Bunny took another long sip, trying to stall as long as possible. "I was thinking maybe you'd like to come over for dinner sometime. Get to know Johnny and see the house. Would you consider it?"

Erin looked up at her mother. "I'll think about it."

Bunny sighed. "You always say that. Just once, please?"

"I said I'd think about it, alright?"

Bunny nodded. "I know it's a sore subject, but if you need any help with anything, with arrangements or whatever, you can call me ya know? I'd be more than happy to help in any way you need baby."

"I can handle it," Erin said.

Silence enveloped the air surrounding the pair. After several tense minutes, Erin stood from the booth. "I should get going. Thanks for the coffee and the chat. I'll see ya around."

"Wait, Erin – "

Just as the detective turned to head for the door she hit a hard body. When she looked up she saw Jay.

"Halstead?"

"Hey," Jay said as he took in the appearance of his partner. He noticed how her eyes didn't quite meet his, but he was still able to catch a glimpse of them. Sunken bags of exhaustion marred her skin beneath hazel hues that had lost their spark. Unshed tears pooled in the corners of her red-rimmed eyes and her hair hung down in tangled waves.

"What are you doing here?" Erin asked as they stood in front of one another. Bunny stayed silent in the booth while she watched them.

Jay snuck a glance at the woman behind his partner with nervous eyes. "The team and I have been looking for you. You're not answering your phone."

"Really? My phone didn't ring," Erin said with unsure eyes. She turned to Bunny. "Did my phone ring while I was in the bathroom?"

Bunny glanced just a second at Jay with apologetic eyes and then shook her head at Erin.

Erin's eyes met Jay's then and a phony smile followed. "If you're gonna lie, Jay, at least put a little bit of effort into it for me."

Erin side stepped around Jay, but her mother's voice stopped her. "I called him."

Erin turned back around and glared with slanted eyes and flared nostrils. "Excuse me?"

Bunny sighed, running a finger around the rim of her coffee mug. "I called him because I'm worried about you."

Erin laughed. "You've never been worried about me a day in your life."

"Now, Erin. That's not true. We're worried about you honey. I know you're grieving over your friend, but you're spiraling down to the bottom of something I really don't think you want to get back into. You're just a little lost right now, and that's fine, but don't go back to that place. Please, baby, let us help you."

"I don't need help," Erin said with a tight jaw.

"If you didn't need help honey, you wouldn't have gotten the drugs."

Jay's eyes bugged out and he reached his arm to grab onto Erin's wrist. "What drugs?"

Bunny looked at Jay. "Erin has a baggy of cocaine in her pocket, Detective Halstead."

Erin shook her head and then tried to shake off his hold. "She's lying, Jay."

It was Bunny's turn to scoff. "If I'm lying then empty your pockets baby."

Jay looked between the two women. He noticed Erin's hands shaking while Bunny's remained still.

His eyes met Erin's again and this time she didn't look away. "Erin – "

"Are you going to believe your partner or some junkie wannabe mother who never knew how to be one in the first place?"

Jay sighed. "Empty your pockets, Erin."

Erin's mouth gaped open. "You're seriously going to take her word over mine?"

"Erin, empty your pockets," Jay said again.

Erin shook her head. "Go to hell!"

Erin pulled her arm out of Jay's grasp and stepped forward ready to leave them both behind. Jay was quicker and grabbed her wrist again and turned her around. His hands went to her shoulders and pushed her backwards with gentle force until the backs of her legs hit the booth and Erin sat down against her will.

Jay stepped forward and reached for Erin's jacket, but she pushed him back. "Get away from me."

"Empty your damn pockets, Erin!"

"Screw you."

Jay's jaw tensed and Erin swore she had never seen her partner's eyes so dark. He fought against her hands trying to keep him away and reached for her coat pockets. He found her cell phone in one and dropped it on the table and went back to the other. Seconds later he pulled out the same plastic bag from earlier and he looked back at Erin.

He threw the bag on the table. "What the hell is this then, huh?"

Erin smirked. "What does it look like?"

Jay shook his head in disbelief and looked at Bunny. "Can I trust you to get rid of that?"

Bunny nodded. "I'll flush it."

"Good," Jay said. He turned back to Erin and grabbed her hand, forcing her to her feet. "Let's go."

Erin laughed, but she was far from amused. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Like hell you aren't," Jay said. He held her hand tightly and dragged her towards the door. Erin tried to fight him, but his strength dominated hers. Soon enough they were outside and Jay had begun leading her to the car while he still held onto her.

"You're a cop for god sakes, Erin!" He reminded her.

She laughed again. "No, I'm just a street kid who got lucky with some charity from a dirty cop trying to fix a guilty conscience."

Jay turned back to face her as they reached the car and he opened the passenger side door.

"Do you even hear yourself right now?" He asked her and then gestured to the car. "Get in."

Erin shook her head. "No, I'm going home."

"No, you're not. I won't leave you alone. Get in the car."

Erin stood still and crossed her arms across her chest.

"Erin, get in the damn car or I swear to god I'll call Voight."

"Oh? You're not afraid of big, bad Hank Voight anymore? Did you finally grow a pair?"

"I've never been afraid of him, but I know you are. And I know you're scared of disappointing him."

"You don't know anything about me."

"I'm sure, right now, you wish that were true. Now, please, get in the car."

They stared each other down, unblinking, until Erin gave up minutes later. She huffed, dropped her arms, and fell into the passenger seat. Jay reached in and buckled the seatbelt across Erin's lap and then closed the door with a loud slam. He pressed the lock button on his key ring and quickly made his way to the other side before she could attempt to make a run for it.

He unlocked his own door, then fell into the driver seat and looked over at the woman beside him. Erin had her arms crossed in front of her again and she wouldn't look at him.

"Erin-"

"Don't. Please, just don't. It's not my fault. Blah blah blah. I've already heard it. I don't need to hear it again, alright?"

Jay is surprised at the strength of her voice, but guessed it was out of anger.

She looked up at him then with hard eyes. "Just take me home, Jay. I don't need a babysitter. I'll be fine."

"Well, I don't need you doing something stupid so you're staying with me. Or I can call Voight. Your choice."

Her glare and locked jaw made him swallow hard. He pissed her off, but he knew her. She may want to be alone, but that isn't what she needed. She needed someone to care. To show she wasn't alone even if she thought otherwise.

They stared one another down again in a test of dominance. Erin sighed a moment later knowing it was pointless, and turned back to look out the window.

It's silent the entire ride, and when Jay finally cut the engine Erin realized they were at his apartment.

Erin turned her head to him. "I don't have clothes."

"I'm sure I can find something for you. C'mon."

Jay got out of the car first and met her on the other side. He opened the door for Erin and she hesitated. When she got out Jay grabbed a hold of her hand again and led her through the entrance of his apartment building. He only dropped her hand when they were in the elevator, and he knew that she had nowhere to escape.

Erin crossed her arms in front of her chest again and didn't speak. When the elevator car stopped on Jay's floor the two stepped out and walked down the hallway to Jay's apartment. He unlocked the door and pushed it open, gestured Erin to go first and when she stepped over the threshold Jay followed. He closed the door behind him, locked it and turned back around to see Erin sat on the couch.

Jay walked around the couch and took a seat to the right of her, mindful to keep some distance between them since he was sure the woman was still pissed at him. He turned his head and sighed as he looked at his partner – she was leant forward, her elbows atop her knees, and her chin rested in the palm of her hands. Her back was hunched over, her left knee shook, and he was sure the bags under her eyes had sunken deeper.

They both sat quiet for some time until Jay finally spoke.

When he did, he only called her name, but he noticed the way she flinched at the sound of his voice as it cracked through the silence.

She dropped her hands from her chin and turned her head, and that's when Jay saw the tears.

"Erin," Jay whispered her name again and closed the space between them as he slid closer to her. He reached his left arm out towards her and took a gentle hold of her hand. His fingers wove together with hers and he squeezed her hand once before his thumb moved over her skin in a tender caress.

Erin squeezed back and looked up at him just as her tears fell. "I'm sorry."

Jay squeezed her hand again before he pulled her towards him. She fell against his side and he held her there with an arm around her shoulders. Her head leant against the crevice between his shoulder and his neck; he could feel her tears on his skin, her breath in his ear.

"I just wanted it to stop, Jay. I wanted to stop remembering her and hearing her voice, and seeing her body in that hole in the ground. I just wanted it all to stop."

Jay squeezed her against him and held on tighter. "I know. I wish you hadn't seen her like that, and I know you want the pain to go away, but that's going to take time, Erin. It's not something you can force to happen overnight. And the booze and drugs certainly aren't going to help."

Erin sniffed against his neck. "I just don't wanna feel anything anymore."

"Why didn't you come to me? Or Voight, anyone. You know we're all here for you. We're your family. We would have helped you."

"Because everyone I love ends up getting hurt because of me. Nadia. Annie. All the crap Voight has put up with because of me. The life my mom had because of me. If I wasn't around everyone would be better off, I know it."

Jay shook his head hard, and pulled away from her. He moved his free hand to Erin's face and held her chin in his hand. It forced her to look him in the eyes.

"Don't you ever think for one second any of us would be better off without you, Erin. Ever. I know I wouldn't be. As far as Nadia goes, you saved her Erin. You gave her a future. A life. You didn't kill her. That was Yates. He took her from us, not you. And Annie? She is free of Charlie because of you, and Voight loves you like a daughter. He would do anything for you. And your mom? The choices she made in her life don't fall on your shoulders. You make people's lives better. That's why you became a cop, Erin. You wanted to do for others what Voight did for you, and you're doing that. You've already done it."

"But – "

"No. Promise me, right now, I will never find you with drugs again."

She wanted to make that promise. She really did, but she shrugged against him. "I don't know if I can make that promise right now."

Jay shook his head again. "Yes, you can. I won't leave your side. I won't leave you alone."

"You can't save everybody, Jay," Erin whispered as she looked down.

Jay moved his hand from her chin to her forehead and swept away the locks of hair that had fallen over her eyes. She looked back up at him.

Jay smiled at her. "I can save you. That's good enough for me."

Erin rolled her eyes then, half-annoyed, half-grateful. "Why won't you just leave me be in peace? I just wanna be alone."

"You say that, but I know you don't mean it. I'm not gonna let you fall down the rabbit hole."

Jay moved his hand to hold her face again and Erin sighed at his words. She knew he was right, but no way would she admit that out loud. Instead, she leaned her face into his palm and her eyes closed. She felt Jay's thumb skim her cheek and then his lips grazed her forehead.

When she felt him pull back Erin opened her eyes and found his.

"I love you, ya know that?"

Erin's eyes widened at his words and she shook her head at him. "No. No, don't say that to me. Not now."

Jay furrowed his eyebrows. "Why not?"

"Because."

He laughed then, and pulled her back into his side.

"That's not a good enough reason," he said in her ear.

"Because I said so then," she mumbled into his shoulder.

"Still isn't good enough," he said before he kissed the side of her head.

Erin sighed and snuggled herself against Jay's side just a tad bit more. His arm was tight around her shoulder again and his head rested against hers.

"Jay?"

"Hmmm?"

"I didn't take any. The coke. I hadn't taken any. I swear."

"But you wanted to?"

She nodded into his shoulder once again. "More than anything."

He sighed. "And if I hadn't of shown up when I did, would you have gone home and gotten high?"

Erin took a second to really think about her answer. She mulled it over.

It was a few minutes before she nodded again. "Yeah, I think I would have."

Jay sighed once more, but he had assumed her answer would be just that.

She was hurting and he felt helpless. The only thing he could do was drop another kiss to her head.

"That's why I won't leave you alone," he said to her as he squeezed her once more.


End file.
